Thursday, 28 November 2013

Thoughts

Where do I start. So... It's been a rough week. My wife has difficulty accepting social standards. She also has difficulty watching me transition. She knows its something I must do but she can't watch.

Ok..

She has her own house, just waiting for the final stuff to be done before she moves in.

Then... Monday she took an overdose and ended up in hospital. She is fine medically, no damage but mentally, all she says is that she failed, because she is still here. That she will be all alone. What ever I say, she still says she will be alone. 

She has so many friends who call in, who go running with her, swimming, every day. And she repeatedly says she will be alone. The house is 3 minute drive, 10 minute walk. And I have said she is welcome back for coffee etc, any time but nothing makes any difference.

And I really feel its all my fault. If I wasn't transitioning, she wouldn't be moving out. And I don't know what to do. I'm responsible for her taking an overdose, and I have no one to talk to. It's crap!

4 comments:

  1. IF ..... A little word that covers so many imponderables. I think the only thing we can do is live with the here and now. I wish my life was different but I was born this way and I struggled for so long to not transition and I failed.

    I am not sure that taking responsibility for your wife's actions will do you or her much good. We all have to live our own lives and make our own choices. She is not alone as you say and you are in now way abandoning here - quite the contrary as the distance apart is so small.

    I hope she can come to terms with your transition - very hard situation and I feel for you

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  2. Sometimes shit just happens. You get cancer, even if it is not fair. Your child is hit by a bus. You are born trans. If we are lucky, our loved ones can cope with this. But if they don't... well, they are human.. as are you.

    You transitioning might have been one of many factors contributing to her doing what she did, but you are not responsible for what she did.

    Sometimes I hear non-trans people criticize those that transition for being irresponsible and selfish. I often respond by saying that the alternative is rarely status quo, but a life time of suffering for the trans partner. His or her family rarely benefit from a life time of depression, or -- even worse -- suicide.

    Sometimes life gives us cards that makes it impossible to get it all. But we can make the best out of what we get. You seem to be doing exactly that. I just wish your wife was able to do the same, but I wouldn't blame her. Losing what you love is hard.

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  3. Kimberly hi, Just wanted to say that I have felt exactly like how you described yourself in your profile. I applaud you for taking this life changing step to embrace who you really are. Sure it can be hell and unfortunately it is painful for all involved but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. In time you will be ok and so will your ex. You cannot control her feelings so don't go there. It is her process and she will end up where she wants to. It is her choice. We all are responsible for our own stuff and must in the end be true to only ourselfves. I'll keep you and your wife in my prayers. One day at a time is the key. Alan

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