The worst thing

Out of all that is happening to
Me, the worst thing is seeing teenagers, seeing what I should have been.

I keep getting flashbacks, my mother use to help out at dance classes and being pre-teen, I use to have to go too, to help. I can remember times when I use to watch the tutors daughter, a year or so younger than me, and think how elegant she looked, that I wished I had a body like hers.

I really get emotional when I remember things like this. I know it's no use thinking what could / should have been but, I keep trying to figure out when I first felt this way.

And it is difficult. To remember things about myself, which I forced myself to forget, is difficult to accept that I repressed it.

Another memory was we had exchange students and teachers. I can remember distinctly thinking that one of the teachers looked like a man, And how much i wanted to be in his/her shoes. Maybe she was, in a previous life. Now that I understand this is a fact if life and there are things such as us transgendered foke.