Support

Wow, the support I'm receiving is unbelievable. Everybody except 1 person and my mother who is still coming to terms with it, have been so supportive. I mean there must be about 20 people who know now.

Two people in particular have been out of this world. Helen, who reads this blog, takes daily comments and advises on the ' important ' stuff, generally just let's me waffle on to her. To which I'm eternally greatfull.

But, my wife's cousin's wife, she has just been so supportive, it's.. I can't describe how supportive she is. But today, I was explaining how my wife has been, her answer was... Quote


Things happen for a reason and maybe it's for the best. you have to be true to yourself. She maybe finding it hard but you have been there for her for 20 years and never once gave up. if she leaves then she leaves. it sounds hard I know but being yourself and living free will be better than living the lie. think back to the beginning of these txt's when you were lost and scared to who you are now, open trusting people that you would never have thought to trust with your most inner feelings and still your trying to think of your wife.

Unquote...

I replied with, if I got devorced then I would loose a great friend, her answer was I'm being stupid, she's not going anywhere

Shopping.

So. Unexpectedly, I have two women who want to take me shopping, one up near rugby, the other down near Brighton.

I have been told to save my pennies !

The wife said why do they want to take
Me shopping, she has no idea about what to do.

I opened the debenham's website and found a lovely purple blouse. Looking at it, it is ideal for wearing to work, the only difference is, it's purple, I have only started wearing coloured shirts in the last month, and it has long sleeves where for the last 2 years I have had short sleeves, and the buttons do up the other side...

Hum... The price is slightly out of my range but now she knows what I'm looking for, charity shops here we come. I'm quite excited. I emailed the cousin's wife with a link and she agreed it was the perfect starter blouse for me. I wonder if I will manage to get one to wear to the first meeting...

Ill be glad when...

With the family telling the wife how it is in no uncertain terms, she kept repeating that she could not sleep with a woman.

We had an argument today, she kept repeating that I had lied to her and she doesn't want to sleep with a woman.

So we got a bit deeper, it's she doesn't want to sleep with me if I don't have male parts, so it revolves around her sex life.

Now don't forget, I can't have kids, and it hurts me when we have sex, I always get sores and pain, so it is all for her. I have had no enjoyment at all in this 'procedure' not for the last 15 years.

The argument included that and that I have already made my mind up although the first councillor session is on Thursday. So my response was that her answer to everything is that she doesn't want to sleep with a woman, which could be 3 - 4 years down the road. It's not going to change tomorrow, I'm not going to suddenly grow breasts and change over night.

The result was that she will wait, wait to see how it pans out.

I just want this to start. To let me out once and for all to see.

A good day for me but...

Went to swap presents with the wife's auntie. Nothing was said for 15-20 minutes then while opening presents, a war story book, she said if she had known about my problem, then she would have got a more girly type book. Problem ? Made me smile. Then the questions started, nothing too deep, but then the wife started saying what she felt and the whole conversation changed to trying to put my wife at ease. Their idea about what was going on was spot on. And what they were telling my wife was spot on too, although my wife wasn't listening.

It was a good start.

So then we went to her cousin, and when the husband left to watch the football, I took in to a different room and told her.

What followed was unexpected. She had a go at my wife. She really laid in to her. Why are you saying this, why are you saying that, it's not going to happen tomorrow, etc etc. then she said your hoping / expecting this to be a fantasy and it will be over soon. But it won't. This is how it's going to be. Stop looking at options where you remain the woman and he (me) remains the man. It is not an option !!! She said this time and time again in response to answers my wife was giving.

Then she said it could be fun, to go shopping together. Wife said what, and he changes in the woman's changing rooms ? No, purchase a selection of clothes and try them on at home. Then she looked at me and said if the wife won't, then she will go clothes shopping with me...

The hug when we left came with a whispered well done and be strong.

Thanks !

That's better

It's surprising, the difference in varnish hardness.

I have started using a base layer when doing my nails. Usually I spend half hour picking the existing polish off, then use remover, wash then reapply.

But with the base layer, they are more shiny and the varnish is more harder, I couldn't even scrape the varnish off so with in 10 minutes, the remover came out.

Yeah, ok, so washed, shaped, smoothed, buffed then polished before the base coat is applied, before the varnish. I'm happy with the result ;-) once it has stopped smelling of solvent, ill put another coat on before visiting the wife's auntie tomorrow.

Visiting

So. My wife's auntie knows. I had a chat to her earlier, it was more or less a one way conversation, saying everybody is different, it must have been hard keeping it secret all this time. I'm always welcome. Will always be me in their eyes....

She is desperate to tell the rest of the family, but will keep quiet until I have seen the councillor.

Listening in Starbucks

Sat here, the people next to us are talking loud, about a girl with behaviour issues.

Apparently an employee but, the emotions they are talking about are very similar to what my wife and mother are feeling.

It is interesting, the reaction from this woman, answering the questions ( and what seems to be her husband ) along with another woman (asking questions and setting senerios ). It was interesting to listen to, although I don't think it's transgender related.

Gives me a bit of a idea on how to handle this a but more...