I caught up with her on my way to work. We talked, she asked questions, I answered as honestly as I could. Which relaxed things.
She asked about my ex, I said yes this is why we were so close, it wasn't so much I wanted to be with her, but I wanted to be her.
She said about putting x at the end of messages. Which led me to describe what a man is to me. Someone who has short hair, beard and doesn't do things like putting x on the end of messages. If I was to pass as a man then I felt I had to do all these things. And do them consistently .
I think we have a very long way to go but it's another step in the right direction.