Why did I panic the other day ? I don't know. I think it was more to do with the sudden realisation that I had once kissed a boy, and I was surrounded by men.
The sudden feeling that I had once felt that way, was overwhelming and I didn't know what to do. It scared me.
I strongly believe that it is the person you actually fall for, the physical attributes help at the beginning but its how you are with each other is the deciding factor.
I am very open with my ideas and wants, which I don't see in my male friends, only in other females. I think this is why I can and want to write this blog, because of my desire to share and interact so openly. To share my feelings.
I feel the reason for the 3, yeah, 3 subsequent relationships I had after that first kiss was not because I wanted to be with those women, but I wanted to be those women, to experience the social life they had, to interact with other women. As I found it so much easier to talk to women than men.
I just didn't and still don't feel I have anything in common with men.
And then... Reading some more about trans'x' - there's a lot to read... But, it seems that these feelings are normal for a woman, and women bond with other women so much easier than men bonding with men.
I think it is because of this that I found it right and feeling natural in to share this with Helen. And this is because I am a woman.