So. Yes. Me being me. I really let my guard down yesterday. I let my feelings really control the situation and it really hit me.
I have put so much effort in to avoiding situations which resulted in me feeling I had inflicted so much pain on someone, I had forgotten how I get, and it hurt me deeply, to think I had hurt, caused pain, pressure to Helen.
We played last night, and yes, I avoided killing her, yet made every effort to be in a place to allow her to kill me. And felt soo much better.
Today, she wished me happy birthday, so i think all is good again.
I just have to be more careful.