I said previously, I get depressed if I'm left to my own devices, well, I started to try and discover when I started feeling this way.
I can remember like it was yesterday, a boy in my school, at the age of when it was fun to play kiss tag. Yeah. 5 years old. I can remember vividly pinning him against a wall and kissing him. It never happened again, and never spoken of again then he moved away 8 years later.
Thinking about that and what I'm going through now, I just felt intense emotion. Then the strangest thing happened, I started looking at the guys in a different way and that really shocked and frightened me. It was an emotion and feeling I have never felt, which brought tears to my eyes.
So, with an emotion I had never felt, with feelings about other men I had never had (35 years) and the thought of my new found friend was off line was just too much and I was finding it hard to handle.
Eventually I sent an IM to her in hope she would call when she read it, and she replied.
We talked about it for a good hour and we concluded that I need to take this a step further, I agreed I need to see a councillor and talk about what I'm going through.
I don't know what I would have done if she wasn't there. If I hadn't taken the risk to let her in. I don't think I would be at this stage of self discovery. Thank you. Something I'm saying a lot, but I really mean it. I think I need to make a name for her on here:-) something to keep her anonymous...